garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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