yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize