Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize