4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
