I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
