We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
