Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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