Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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