this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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