You're my little dorito
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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