sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
