i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize