True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
