i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize