Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
