The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
