You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
