dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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