i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
