Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you would pick up someone in the library
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
