did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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