but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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