im six kinds of drunk right now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
