I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
