we made out on top of his cat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
