I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
