I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
