So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
