i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
