if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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