vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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