OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
