Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
