quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drunk is a universal language darling
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
