Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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