New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
