Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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