good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
