If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She bit a glass in half.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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