so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize