Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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