why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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