I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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