My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
