Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
