My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
