from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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