That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
