that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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