take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
