sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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