There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
