Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
