also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
