I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
birth control should be required to get into college
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize