well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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