at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
