My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
