it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
