I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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