Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Your dad touched me again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
