Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize