Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
