Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
