I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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