I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
