Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize