The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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