help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
