Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
