hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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