My hand turned me down
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
